Stuck

Growing pains stuck
At the same height
I’ve always been a
Five second sample
On an endless loop by
The ghost in the DJ booth
Waving at the modern decor
Searching for a crack
In the airtight seal
Been presumed missing
Inside a vault
Collecting all tokens
When someone lands
On a rented property
Home is only a temporary
Document. Paint me
The colour of next season
Burning black blisters
Sticking to the pan

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Stuck

Panic

It’s common courtesy
When having a panic attack
To check everyone is fine to deal
With the aftermath
A quick heads up.
Disaster planning.
Alight here for self-destruction
And other harmful activities
It’s not that I’m anxious of
The tiny disruption I cause
It’s the cosmic insignificance
Being smaller than a quark
Still remembering to treat
Others with care
Even if it’s an empty gesture
From deep within the despair
It’s impossible to see
Beyond the empty space
Impulsive need to sabotage
The hapless animal in the cage
Darkness spreads through my pupils
Bleeding into the whites
Eyes that look infected
Vision losing sight
I feel nothing but the fear of death
Dragging me from this brief
Breath above the blackness
The act between two sleeps
Between something and nothing
Before the morphine eases pain
The dream of a hot, white light
Cools to blackness as it fades
For millennia the core spins
Till there’s nothing left
But a timeless return to the void
Space no longer bereft

Panic

Monster

If I said the only reason
I came to see you
Was to taste your mouth
Feel the stiffness
On the back of your neck
Underneath my grubby fingers
Would you have lent me a bed?
I held your shoulder
But never pressed my hand
Further down
Into soft, pale skin
Couldn’t risk the pain
Of a stump spitting blood
Over your things
I’d still pass it off as
An honest mistake
Accidental brush
Ripping a top, as my face
Entangles with yours
Its mixture still wet
The gloop drips
When we disconnect
Pasting our features
Back into place, as best
We remember how we looked
To each other.
Blunt force trauma
Friends, fucking over
Discomfort in silence
We made a monster

Monster

Discs

I fell down today
Just a quick slip
Discs rotating off-kilter
Bent wrists halt
The southern excursion
Breath caught by
Concrete man
Floor wobbles
Like jellied physics
Large ladies warble
Ready to sing an
Operatic version
Of Julien Baker
Drink gasoline
It’s all we need
To keep the furnace
Roaring with heat
Hot discs rotate
Spring back into
Life, in the end
The burning smell
Asphyxiates the cells
Coughing for oxygen
They spread out of
Body, into an armchair
Pools of black liquid
Bubbling with relief

Discs

Indecision Maker

Indecision maker
No shaker or stirrer
Water, still pure

Bringer of silence
No offence or offense
Patient, not carer

Reader of packets
Food colouring vices
Oranges, wait for a hand

Incision delayer
The purveyor of mal
Contempt, with oneself

Frozen spectator
Creator of statues like
Being, gazing in fear

Preserver of stoics
No heroics in halting
Stateless, breathing ceases

A lost hour of time
No crime purged like the
Waster of watches

Divisive evasion
No ovation for standing
Alone, childlike

Blanker of passers
Advancers with words left
Cold, unanswered

Indecision maker
Unshaker of sails
Salt, leaking through pores

Indecision Maker

Come

They’re coming.
We don’t know when
But soon.
From where the sun sets
The town still clicks dimmer
Switches like falling dominoes
They’re coming.
My arm sore from scrawling
Fingers numb from typing
Printers dry from printing
Posters line the lampposts
Lock the doors,
Lock away your children
We search the edge of the horizon
Find nothing but a cold-climate
Driven to the desert front-line
Soldiers of electric violence
Selves humming in unison
Quiet motors, faint in odour
The sensors detect no advance
We await their arrival
Huddled in silence

Come